How vain...

I read this quote about ten years ago and stopped writing.

"How vain it is to sit down to write, when you have not stood up to live."
H.D. Thoreau

It's true. Why would I bother anyone with empty words if I have nothing to say? I stopped writing. That was not such a great decision. The more I learn about writing, the more I understand how important it is to keep in touch with it.

Translating this book, I've come in contact with it again, and now it's bothering me. I want to write about my own ideas, but the translation is still on my heart, so they are racing for my attention and time.

*****

I like flying. It reminds me that no matter what kind of weather the plane takes off in, it is always peaceful and clear above the clouds. Down on the ground, during a storm, it can seem like the sun had disappeared altogether. But it is there. It's just allowing the elements to come back into balance.

I'm going to Philadelphia in less than three weeks. I'm excited, I've never been to The States. I'm also nervous, because the control freak in me doesn't know all the details. I'm grateful that I'll be able to visit my friends... it's like a dream!
There is another feeling present that I cannot quite wrap my brain around. I hope i can define it and leave ready... if that's possible.

*****

Today I need rest from EVERYTHING. And yet, I want to write... Or translate. Although this feeling of having to do something is exactly what got me so tired in the first place. Let's see if I can resist.

Besides, who said that now, ten years after reading that quote, I have something meaningful to say?

Hurt The Rain

Translating is difficult.

The author uses a kind of sentence structure that expresses a deep intimacy of thought, and is not translatable to English. With dialogues it's different: you can use the character's personality to convey the atmosphere (this wasn't my idea, it was my boyfriend's); but since the narrative is in first person, I'm afraid the sentences often come across either too harsh or too romantic. Perhaps I'd better stick with romantic, since this is one of the lead character's key features.

It's going slowly, mostly because I'm finding it so hard to be disciplined. It's much easier, say, getting distracted or not doing it, than sitting down and doing the work even when I'm not so entusiastic about it. It has to be done.

I've sent a sample chapter to a few people in The States to see what they think. To get an idea of what I'm doing at all. I believe in this book so deeply, but it's just a story of someone's life. So many have already been written; who am I to say this one is in line with the heart-winners?
Networking also must be done. People need to know about the book. My name won't sell it, the author name won't do anything for the English minds, it has to be the book itself. If I'm right... If it really is a heart-winner... if the publisher sees its worth... If I do the job to the best of my abilities...
I still need a miracle. It really will be parting of the sea.

So yes, sometimes you need to risk hurting the rain. Sometimes you need to put it all on the line - because if you don't, faith doesn't even have a fighting chance.

And every faith needs the fight. 

That's the only way it grows deeper and stronger; only this way does it learn and mature. It becomes more determined and peaceful; less intrusive or forceful.

The rain will survive a little rejection, it will come again. It can still carry on with its purpose, even if it doesn't get my hair and make-up all messed up.

How To Open An Umbrella

It's time to get down to business.

I need to clear with the writer about author rights that his original publisher may still hold. Apparently contracts for these things can be very different, so it really depends on what was signed 25 years ago.

When I find myself so ill equipped to deal with technical things of life, I feel incompetent to face serious issues altogether. In reality, the only thing I have to do is to send a kind email with my questions and continue translating.
It just so happens that I will be traveling to The States, where I can not only visit some of my dearest friends, but also do some Networking...

Networking! When did I start NETWORKING?! What does that even mean anyway? Seriously, on days when I'm completely honest with myself, this book project seems too big for me. On the other days, I wonder if it's a little denial doing me well, or do I really see things differently and am serious about doing the work that needs to be done. Hmm, maybe I should write another entry on one of those other days. =)

But seriously, all I have to do is to look at my personal life to know that this is a piece of cake (a good one, too) compared to decisions I must make.

I know I was called to love my enemies. But fighting loneliness when I'm surrounded by people is a ghastly task.... Ghostly. Like fighting a ghost. I need to call my enemies what they are so that I can love them ...accordingly.

Now how do I love my enemy? How do I build up a network? How do I open an umbrella without offending the rain?

It seems some questions are easier to answer than others.

But I can still work with the ones that I can answer. The others... may need to wait for those other days, when I feel on the top of my game, for any reason. Today I need an instructions manual for the simplest of things.