How did I get here? How did it come to this language course, living in this country, knowing Straßenbahns?
The other day I was about to cross the street and had a strange moment of awareness. I paused on the edge of the sidewalk and stared into the scene that really wasn't meaningful, but it signified how this strange bundle of circumstances gradually crept up on me.
I moved here. It was my own decision. Gave up my appartment, quit my job without a shadow of a doubt and came to live in Germany. It was an appartment in the center, and a good job, both in an incredibly beautiful country. And here I am. Translating a book, in Germany.
Having a "daytime job" and translating makes me feel like I have two lives. It's nonsense, of course, but I'm torn. Whenever I'm doing one, I feel like I should be doing the other. I take it as a phase. For a long time, this book was a silent dream of mine. I guess now it's too late to hide it - in fact, I should be working on getting the word out! Why can't I be so decisive about it as I was about moving here?
The time and energy spent on deciding is time and energy wasted.
It took me a long time to compose a response to the author of the book. Too long. Too much thinking about what's better and not enough trusting. However, now that I've clicked the "send" button, I can enjoy the needles and pins again while waiting to hear back. It's quite romantic. =)
In the meantime (they don't call it MEAN time for nothing), it's time to focus. It's time to forget the three snowflakes that fall every day here, to be an adult, and bring my two lives together. In Germany.
Because not making a decision is a decision in itself. A bad one.
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